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how did that feel so perfect? how did I feel like i’ve known you forever? how was that sex so god damn good? someone, please fill me in.

how does meeting some one and randomly taking a road trip… lead to this. to this craving. at least i have fan videos and pictures to look at. at least i have that to hold me over. and i hope I’m not just another number, i hope you were as blown away as i was. i want to impress you. i want to do anything i can to get your attention — to hold your attention. i want you to keep those eyes on me, those hands on me. i want to keep you wanting more. I’m determined to some day see you again. to some day make you want me so bad that it was just as good as the first time. i want to spend a day with you, just hanging out. i want to watch a movie and sleep in with you.

sleeping on your chest was the most comfort i’ve had in a long time. everything felt perfect. those eyes. oh my god those eyes. never once have i fell in love with a boys eyes before. but your eyes, your eyes were  beautiful. your skin against mine and your fingers intertwined into mine. i want it back, now.

I’m so lost i don’t know what to do. do i not talk to you again until i have the chance to see you? what’s the point in texting you. we know nothing about each other. you don’t want to hear about my day. and i don’t want to hear about yours. take that back. I’d love to hear about yours. but that doesn’t lead to anything. that doesn’t lead me to hang out with you. that doesn’t bring me another day closer to seeing you again. that just makes me want more. that just leaves me hanging.

your girlfriend.

oh my god your girlfriend. i….i.. i broke the girls code. i knew he had a girlfriend and that she misses him so much. yet i let him sleep in my bed. he didn’t tell me. he never told me. he never mentioned her or even hinted that he had a girlfriend. if i didn’t look into it more, i would have never known. i shouldn’t feel bad…. i don’t. really. but it still makes me jealous, stupid. i know.

but i love seeing people’s posts about him. the pictures they send it. their excited post about them texting him.. about him replying to their tweet. but i had him in m bed. i had him on my lips. i had him KOed in 30 minutes. i had his hands in mine. i had him. for a single night. i had him. i’ve never wanted anyone more. passion and lust and everything in between. i would fly anywhere to see him. i’d do anything to spend another night in his arms. i can’t wait for that day. it will happen. it will. nothing will stand in my way from spending another night with this man.

half of my heart has a real good imagination.

maybe it’s a good thing. maybe it’s good to dream. to get my hopes up. yah, it doesn’t always work out how imagined it. it never does. but you came crashing into my life. that look you gave me, oh i hope you don’t give to everyone. you looked at me and looked down…. i looked back at you. you were smiling. your eyes so bright. please tell me you felt something too. i wanted to turn back and see you. i wanted to turn back and say hi. i was too scared. too scared to say hi to you. i’m not sure why. i’m not sure what held me back. but it ended up better than i could have imagined.

i found you. yes. i searched for you and found your name and found you. i admitted how attracted i was to you… you told me i was cute too. you have no idea how happy that made me. you gave me your number and i sent you pictures. why did you take and grab my heart so easily? what was it about you?

before you know it… i was in another city. another state. to see you. to go on an adventure. less fear more fun. i went. i went as fast as i could. it was hard to talk to you, the fear still inside me. but then you came into my room and slid into my bed. it was 3 oclock and i was so tired. how did it feel so right? so right to have the most attractive stranger in my bed. for you to cuddle in… your head in my chest. for me to feel like i’ve known you for a life time. and we started kissing. and it was passionate. and it was more than i have felt from anyone in a long time. and it was more than i could have ever wanted. and you held my face. and i love that. and you put your hands in my hair and you moved my face away from yours and whispered, “why couldn’t you have just talked to me in *city name*!” and i said i didn’t know what to say! and you said  ” you say hi, and i say hi! and you say i think your cute, and i say hey that’s weird i think your cute too..” and we kiss more. and i’m sweating already. your hands are all over me and i’m taking off your shirt. and my hands are in your hair and on your face and on your lips. and my lips are on yours…. on your neck, on your ear. you like that. i’m not sure how your pants come off… but they do. and my hands are all over and my mouth wanders down  and you taste so good. and i want you to be louder but you can’t. we have to be quite. and we kiss more. and my pants are off and your mouth goes down and it’s amazing. and i want to scream your name and i want to never leave. i want you to stay with me. in this bed. in this city, in this fairy tale that i’ve created. i made this happen. i made this story book start.

and then you’re in. and it’s amazing. and it feels so perfect. and we’re sweaty and kissing and our hair is all over and our heavy breathing gets louder. and we lay there, catching our breaths with no words to describe what just happened. i forgot. what it’s like to have that feeling. have that feeling that this is what it’s supposed to be like. and you got back in bed and i lay on your chest and you kissed me and you told me i can’t be real. you told me i can’t exist, that i’m too perfect. and that was the best thing that anyone has ever said to me. no one has ever given me a better compliment. and for that minute the time stopped. the world stopped moving. and i had you. i had the man of my dreams. i had the story book ending, where i fall asleep in your arms your hands intertwined in mine, your breath heaving as you fall asleep. your chest raising and falling. drifting into the best 4 hours of sleep i’ve had in my life. waking up to your kisses, my eyes adjusting to your keys with the  *band name* VIP pass attached to them on my night stand.  your hands all over me again. your hard dick pressed against me. wanting you all over again. wanting to re live and re live the night again. you left. you had to. i wanted to come with you. your sad poutty lips were so hard to not kiss.

i didn’t know what to do. you turned away and headed for the door. i couldn’t let you leave with out one more kiss. i ran and jumped on you. i kissed you again. never had a goodbye like this. never had the most amazing night of my life just to say good bye in the morning. the most spontaneous trip of my life. the craziest adventure and it was over, just like that. just like that you were gone.

but you came back. you forgot your shoes.how could you forget your shoes? I hope you planned that. i hope you planned on coming back for one last kiss because it made me happy.

“i’m so addicted to you” you said to me. and i hope that’s true. i hope when you said that was the best sex of your life that you meant it. i hope you don’t regret this. i hope you don’t do this on a regular basis. i hope  i was special. i hope i was worth it. don’t forget about me, please. your my prince charming.  and the fairy tale continues. it hasn’t ended yet, i’ll see you again, sometime…. right?

those eyes…. that sex…. those lips.. those tattoos. i won’t ever forget them.