untitled

If you some how find this, and think it's me. Don't tell me you know. Don't tell anyone you know. Because this is something I wish I could let my friends see... but they can't. I love life. I'm taking this thing one step a time because I don't know what i'm doing. If you want to read along and follow my confusion, then go right ahead.

worry

Posted 2 years ago

i know things get hard sometimes.

sometimes everything that is supposed to feel perfect, feels like a disaster. my relationship seems pointless. i want someone i can’t have. and he probably has no interest in me. i keep going with the man who does love me, yet i don’t know if I love him. I love him 50/50.

i’ve been told relationships are supposed to be 50/50. but i don’t think in the context of loving only half the time. it’s supposed to be give some and take some. i don’t know what im getting from this. i’m only taking from myself.

but i know things will end up perfect in the end. i can’t wait to fall in love again. and i can’t wait for this relationship to be over and healed. i don’t know if it will ever heal. but hopefully my first scar won’t be the deepest for long. hopefully it will heal. whenever that time comes, we will see. it’s been 3 years since i’ve loved him. 3 years of ups and downs and hell and i don’t like the person he is when we are around other people, and i don’t like the person i am.

and it’s beautiful when that boy smiles.

but the love of my life, will have a beautifule smile too. just wait. it’s in the future sometime. it really is. not a 50/50 love. but a 50/50 relationship.

someone, love me. and be a gentleman. a real, man.

don’t worry girl. you’re doing great. keep up the amazing work. today you saw your favorite teacher and it reminded you of why you want to do good things in life, why you want to help others, and why you want to make a difference.

FUCK your tattoos. FUCK youre scene. Fuck trying to get famous and known. Fuck that ALL. that never matters in the end. the countless number of people i will help will matter, that’s what matters. the differences i’ve already made in people’s lives. that’s what matters.

you go, girl.