untitled

If you some how find this, and think it's me. Don't tell me you know. Don't tell anyone you know. Because this is something I wish I could let my friends see... but they can't. I love life. I'm taking this thing one step a time because I don't know what i'm doing. If you want to read along and follow my confusion, then go right ahead.

what’s going on.

Posted 2 years ago

what am i doing??

i love D. why am i doing this? why am i falling for someone else? why am i lieing and sneaking to his house to watch movies and fall asleep and come home again at 4.

i’m guilty. red handed. this is wrong.

this is so wrong.

last night could have been bad. i tried to leave sooner, i did. but maybe i didn’t try hard enough because i didn’t want to try hard enough. i’m getting butterflies just thinking about it.

“you’re confusing, b.”

i know. i know. i know.

and he found a dollar with my name written on it…. is that a sign??

i think so. i think it could be.

we could have fucked last night. he tried carrying me up stairs to his room. i couldn’t… i really… reallly.. REALLY.. couldn’t stay the night. i even told him. i said honestly, if i spend the night with you we will end up fucking. i felt his hard lump growing behind me. i can’t cheat on him. i can’t. should i leave him? but me and o wouldn’t be together… we couldn’t. if i left him it might be a loose loose situation.

i dont konw what the fuck to do. but i’m falling for someone else and he’s falling for me, too. i know it. he held my hand. that’s enough proof, isn’t it?

i have to stop doing this to myself, and to him… it’s not fair.

this is not fair and i don’t know what to do.