untitled

If you some how find this, and think it's me. Don't tell me you know. Don't tell anyone you know. Because this is something I wish I could let my friends see... but they can't. I love life. I'm taking this thing one step a time because I don't know what i'm doing. If you want to read along and follow my confusion, then go right ahead.

wow.

Posted 2 years ago

i don’t do things like this. i’m not that kind of girl

wake up call. i’m going to put 110% into d and i’s relationship. i owe it to him. that’s the least i owe to him. i don’t think i love him anymore and i don’t think i want to be with him. but there’s a big part of me that begs to differ. so, i’m going to fight for the love i had with him back. i’ve been a bitch. i’v been uncorporative. and now i’ve been bad. so, i’m going to try. if i try so hard and can’t do it. then we’ll go from there.

what i did was so wrong. i feel so, so bad about it. he can’t know. no one can ever know what happened. maybe one day, if we truely do belong together and stay together. i’ll tell him. it won’t matter then obviously if we made it out of this thing alive, it won’t matter. things ilke this don’t seem to matter a whole lot in the end.

but what about o? i like him.. a lot. obviously. but there are about 209483 people that would kill me if they found out any of this. i wish i was more secretive about the first things. i bet E mentioned something to him the other day, i bet you anything. i shouldn’t have told anyone but D and T what i did with him. that was stupid of me. but nO ONE will know about last night. no one will know so no one will kill me.

stupid stupid stupid stupid.

it felt so right though. that’s the worse thing.

the rightness to that wrong was terrible. i shouldn’t have felt that way, if i waws still in love with D.